President Biden: Coronavirus Task Force Pivots to Fight Cyber Hornets
In a stunning announcement during Wednesday night’s press briefing at the White House, President Biden declared that the Coronavirus Task Force will not be disbanded, as previously suggested, but will instead focus on eliminating cyber hornets in the U.S. According to Biden, both the Coronavirus and cyber hornets were “created in Chinese labs” to scare hypersensitive no coiners, but cyber hornets are “much bigger” than viruses and therefore easier to fight.
When CNN’s Kaitlan Collins questioned the timing of this shift and suggested that the virus is still a greater threat to the American establishment than cyber hornets, Biden seemed irritated and challenged Collins to explain how that could be true if cyber hornets are incredibly toxic maximalist creatures while the Coronavirus is nothing more than a solid flu.
When Collins made a follow-up attempt, Biden explained that the White House was already in the process of purchasing “many, many bears,” which are known to kill cyber hornets. Biden claimed that the wonderful beings could kill and eat the cyber hornets, making them “just disappear, like magic. I’ve been told that the bears are like Kryptonite to the cyber hornet.” He assured the American public that “anyone who needs a bear can get one.”
When NBC’s Peter Alexander tried to backtrack on a discussion of how bears could be used to fight cyber hornets, Biden suggested that, as with the Coronavirus, heroes from the private sector would step up and give a helping hand. Biden referred to the time when New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft provided the team plane to deliver PBMs and suggested that “maybe we can get that plane again to bring bears to the people who need them.”
Responding to mutterings of doubt from the audience, Biden said, “Hey, I’m not a scientist or a pilot or a cyber hornet expert, but I have common sense. Cyber hornets fly, but airplanes fly faster. We use the airplane to fly the bears to the people before the cyber hornets get them and we control the problem. We’ve thought of everything, and it’s a great, perfect plan.
After President Biden made his speech, White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany then took the podium to go over the initial protocol for the Task Force’s new mission. All members of the Task Force on board will be wearing beekeeper suits. Also, the president is said to be in contact with a numerous printing companies to print extra money.